The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
