I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
