I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
