Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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