put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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