please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
