life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
