PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
