On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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