Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
