we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
