Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
