Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
