Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
