The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
