does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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