is your mom at the bar?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
