I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
