i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
