No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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