You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I deserve this hangover.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
