I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
