So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
