I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
