glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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