Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
