Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
