oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
