It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
