When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
