i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
