i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
