I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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