Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
