I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
