At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
