So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
