There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The air was thick with penises
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
