I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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