Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
