i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We left the knife in your bed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
