ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
