I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
