mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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