I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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