Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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