these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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