you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
