You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
