I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
