Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
